Let's Get Uncomfortable, Shall We?

June sucked.

Not in a minor way, either.

In a completely grown up, curl into the fetal position kind of suck.

This post does not have the typical humorous tone that this blog is known for. We are going to have to put our being-an-adult-sucks-sometimes pants on and have a little conversation.

About a year ago, we planned a family vacation with my parents and my brother's family. The last time we all went on vacation together was about five years ago and we had a blast. Since then, our families have grown. We were really excited about doing it again, San Diego was our destination, and Mission Beach would be our home for a week. Sun, sand, the ocean, family....ahhhhh. Heaven.

Those of you that follow us on social media know that the two months leading up to our vacation were stressful times. Mr. Books and Bats' father was quite sick. The four or five weeks leading up to our departure were alternately a situation where he was stable and gravely ill. We were not sure about even going on vacation until just a couple of days prior. However, with the doctors telling us that he was stable, we felt comfortable leaving and flying across the country.

We flew to Phoenix on a Friday, got a good night's sleep and got up Saturday morning to drive to San Diego. From Phoenix it is only about a five hour drive and a 40-degree difference in temperature. We started to decompress a little from the worries we carried. Checking in two or three times a day via phone and texting constantly, we were kept updated on the situation at the hospital.

Early Tuesday morning, we got the phone call that we had been dreading. Mr. Books and Bats was told to come back immediately.  His dad was declining and probably didn't have long. We put him on the first plane back and my sweet husband was able to be with his dad when he passed on that Thursday.

What follows next is what this post is about.

Consider this your public service announcement. Listen up.

If you have a family, or anyone at all that cares about you in any way, you need to make plans for your final arrangements. Please do this, particularly if you have children. If you are lucky (and I use that term loosely) you will have some advance warning that a loved one is about to pass on. Many are not that lucky and the loss of a loved one happens suddenly.

Final arrangements are not something we like to talk about or even think about. But having those arrangements made in advance will be a huge weight off of your shoulders knowing it is all taken care of. If you have children, you are giving them the gift of not having to make those decisions or have those worries in the time when they are freshly grieving. It's uncomfortable to talk about the subject with your family, but tell them what your final wishes are. You must have these conversations.

Some things to consider:

• Have you created a living will? This tells your loved ones what your wishes are if you cannot make informed decisions for yourself.
• Create a will that allocates your assets and states your final wishes once you're gone. If you have children, who will care for them in the event you or their other parent is gone?
• Get a life insurance policy. There are many different kinds, ranging from short term, final expense coverage to longer-term policies. The financial burden that is lifted as a result is priceless.

Hug those you love a little closer tonight. Call your parents. Be willing to ask the uncomfortable questions of those you love so they can give you the gift of knowledge before it is too late.

***I am not an attorney or insurance agent. This is not advice in an official capacity, but rather advice from one human to another. It should not be interpreted as anything other than my own opinion based on experiences. You should consult someone in these professions for advice specific to your own situation and needs***

Provisional Independence

My son doesn't need me anymore. 

At least, that's what it seems he has provisionally decided.

This little boy, who is almost two, is asserting his independence a little more each day. He is becoming more vocal about what he wants. Actually, if you've met my son, you know that he is QUITE vocal. Loud would be a better descriptor. With us for parents he was pretty much doomed to be chatty. Until now, there had been a lot more babbling (with gusto, of course). 

Now, there is less guessing on our part. Now, there are phrases. He can tell me he wants an apple, instead avoiding the mess that inevitably came from me guessing he meant grilled cheese. And feeding him? Done. He must complete this task himself. As a side note, the dog will be quite disappointed that less is flung in his general direction during meal times.

This kid also insists on walking to the car when we leave the house. No more being carried. That's so infant-stage, mom. Jeez.

Each and every day I am reminded that he will never again be this little. Time goes so fast. Before we realize it, he will be off to college (at Arizona State University on a baseball scholarship, of course; class of 2035). It is this perspective that I hold tightly to during the moments when he reminds us he is in fact not quite two and throws an epic tantrum--likely due to frustration over not being able to communicate effectively, ironically.

Then again, when I drop him off at the sitter and he clings tightly to my index finger, looking to me for reassurance, I am so grateful. When I pick him up at the end of the day and he exclaims "Mommy!!" when I walk in the door and comes running, I think my heart might burst. At nighttime when I am rocking him to sleep and snuggling his precious face, I wonder if he will let me do that when he is twelve.

Wait...what?

There are many more milestones to come. The list is endless.

In the short term, I'm really looking forward to the day he can wipe his own butt. Really, completely manage that area himself.

Until then, this gal will be wiping his butt with a smile on my face.

Facebook-land!

I took a big leap of faith this morning and created a separate Facebook page for this blog.

EEK!

Image credit: Google

Writing a blog has always been about sharing my own life experiences and musings. The fact that other people were going to read anything I wrote was secondary. 

As a side note, I've got some papers on the containment policy for Communism in southeast Asia that I wrote in college if you're interested. 

Riveting stuff.

Given the number of likes on the Facebook page already, I couldn't be more thrilled that you all want to come along for the ride! If you haven't already, check out our Facebook page here and Like us so you will always get any updates.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is Mother’s Day! Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there!

Let’s talk about what that means, shall we?

Being a mother doesn’t require that you birth a human from your loins. Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, mothering many creatures.

Two legs, four legs, fins...whatever.

Let’s be real: an animal is much like a small human—except they never talk, eat things they’re definitely not supposed to, and generally relieve themselves in undesirable places. Hmmmmm...it appears that they are in fact EXACTLY THE SAME. 

This dog was my first attempt at keeping anything alive other than myself. It seemed easy enough until I had this squirmy 8-week old puppy in my arms and realized I needed to teach it everything it needed to know about life. We both learned from each other, and Oz became my constant companion throughout my twenties. We went through some really ridiculous shit together. I wasn't there on the day he came into this world, but I was there on the day he left it and it broke my heart.

Then, I met the most amazing man and we knew pretty much immediately we had found a once-in-a-lifetime love. When we married, I didn't just marry him. I also married the most amazing seven year old girl who thought her daddy hung the moon (still does).

Now I had to figure out how to be a stepmother.

WHOA. 

Let me just tell you something: being a step-parent is the hardest job in the world. It is an awesome responsibility to parent another mother's (in my case) child. It is also not without its struggles. In my case, I stepped into the life of a seven year old girl who didn't have strong female role models. It became clear that she would watch so much; how I interacted with her dad, the fact that I went to work everyday and loved my job, and the fact that I had gone to college were all things that were very different for her to see in a woman for a variety of reasons. Now she was watching me. On the days when we had struggles, where everything I said, she did the opposite, where every time I said it was black she said it was white, it was so, SO hard. But there were also days when we had awesome girl time together and bonded, and I started to feel like I was shifting her view of women and her place in the world. There are more of those days than the hard ones. I hope that being in her life will influence the decisions she makes for her own life.

Then this guy came along.

Oh my goodness...I grew a human. And he is a perfect little human. Those of you that follow along on social media have watched this little person as he is growing. It's an awesome task to be totally and completely responsible for keeping someone alive. Especially when they cannot tell you what is wrong or what they need. You have to figure it out. And they don't talk. And sometimes you think you are absolutely going to lose your mind.

There are times I am still completely astonished that he is mine. When we visit the pediatrician and I have to give permission before he gets a vaccine, it's WEIRD. When someone from the CVS Pharmacy calls and asks to speak to Lincoln's mother, it still (he is almost two) takes me about five seconds before I realize I do not have to hand the phone to someone else.  

He is still alive and thriving, so I seem to not completely suck at it.

Just as I have a responsibility to my stepdaughter to raise a strong woman,  there is a responsibility to raise a strong, respectful man. He is watching how we do things, just as his sister is. I know that he will grow up to be an amazing man, because he watches his daddy treat me in a simply amazing way. If my son grows up to be half the man his father is, my contribution to this world will be complete.

These days, there is so much pressure on mothers. The moment people know you have a child those same people seem to have an opinion on how you are raising yours. 

Here's the thing: Eff them. Yep. I said it. 

You are raising that kid ("you" meaning, yourself and yours, if applicable), not them. So what they think: Does. Not. Matter.

The end.

Whatever decision you make, because your gut told you it was the right decision, is the right one.

So here is my Mother's Day gift to you (you are welcome in advance): cut yourself some slack. Drink some wine. If your kids go to bed at the end of the day with their bellies full, butts clean and some guidance from you, call it a win.

Welcome Back! (To Me & YOU!)

Hello and welcome back!

I say this both to you and myself...it has been some time since there was an entry on this blog. A renewed desire to chronicle our life (which seems to be going so fast these days) coupled with an equal desire to have an outlet for my musings and ramblings that is longer than 140 characters, and VOILA! Here we are back in the blog universe!

Much has happened since the last entry on this blog. In that entry, we introduced Milo, our rescue pup. Milo was seven months old at the time and we had just brought him home. That was in 2011.

2011.

Shame on me!

Here's a quick synopsis of our life since Milo joined the family:

We got married!

We relocated to Virginia

We had a baby!

So, we have been a teensy bit busy! That baby in the belly above is now almost two and his big sister is ten (oh my!). Milo, coincidentally, is four.

Along the way we have had many amazing adventures and we are looking forward to a lot more.

Which brings us back to this entry right here...it's time to get back to regular updates.

Along the way, I envision this to be a place to share not only updates of our daily life but also other general musings and observations. I hope you'll come along for the ride. Don't be afraid to leave a comment to let me know if there is something you'd like to see on here. 

Also, be sure to check out the previous entries if you are new to the blog so that you can get a sense of the type of style you can expect to read here.

Welcome back!

Milo

Milo has joined our family and we couldn't be happier!

Baseball!

Passion = baseball. Since the title of this blog is Books & Bats, it seemed like a great idea to show a picture of baseball in action! Also, it seemed really boring to show a picture of Allison reading a book, as a side note.

The league here in Arizona plays all over the Valley and had their first game last Thursday. What a beautiful day for baseball!

Next game is tomorrow...more photos to come!